Good night

After my last post, we had a ton of wonderful visitors! Our pastors came up to visit. Past Jon had been here all day, and Pastor Wade drove from the Dallas area to be here. What a blessing! Then it was time for the grandparents to come and say good night. And thank you Northern Krajcas for the great picture frame! So sweet!

During our time with all our visitors, I was able to hold Benjamin. Yay! Then Curtis got a turn, but Benjamin wanted Mommy, or rather, Benjamin wanted to eat! So I was able to feed him. After we got him and all his cords (he has an arterial IV, two regular IVs, the drain in his head, and two different monitors) in bed he was sweet and even made a few little smiles for us.

So, enjoy the smile! Good night from the PICU!

Our day in pictures

Okay, this was actually taken last night at the Ronald McDonald House. Poor guy didn't know what he was in for.
This picture is for Michael and Charles A, we may not have gotten Big Macs, but we could get McDonald cookies!
Daddy and Benjamin in the waiting room.
Mommy and Benjamin in the waiting room.
Grandma and Grand-Daddy with Benjamin in PICU. (We didn't get a picture of Papaw and Memaw, but they were they, and we'll get pictures of them tomorrow!)
All hooked up. Notice the pacy!
Daddy time.
Mommy time.

Resting well.

Mommy's Update

THANK YOU! Your prayers have been felt, and God has been so gracious to us! We praise him for His love and grace that he has bestowed on our family.

I am currently sitting in Benjamin's PICU room. God answered some very specific prayers, and we can have three people in the room at a time. Originally, I was told it would only be one person at a time.

Right now Benjamin is resting. He is still very sleepy from the surgery, as well as the morphine they are giving him to control the pain. Overall, he's done beautifully! There have been a couple times, right when it's time for more morphine, that he gets upset, cries, his blood pressure goes up, as well as his heart rate. But for most of the afternoon, he's been resting well.

Right after he woke up in recovery, I was able to go back and hold him, and try to nurse. He's been too sleepy to eat, but it made this Mommy's week to get to hold him. I was alone when I saw him for the first time, but he looks GREAT! The peace that I felt at that moment was unreal. Truly, and answer to prayers.

Thank you again for all your prayers! Please keep them coming as we walk through the rest of the recover process. We will be in the PICU till sometime tomorrow, as long as Benjamin is doing well. Then it will be a few days in the regular recovery room. He's doing great, and we pray that it will continue.

Praise God for His Blessings

Greetings to all our dear friends...this is Kierstyn's dad, Marlon reporting.

The doctors informed us about 12:45pm that the surgery was complete and Benjamin was in recovery. Everything went well and as the doctors had planned. Shortly after 1:0pm, Kierstyn was called back so that she could see and nurse Benjamin...something that I think they both were looking forward to!

While we are thankful for the skills of the doctors, staff and everyone who has tended to Benjamin through this process, we are first thankful to God for his grace and mercies that sustain us daily as well in instances of our specific need. Secondly, for all the saints who interceded on behalf of Benjamin with us and friends and family around the world. This has reminded us afresh of the many blessings of family and the Church.

Thank you for your love and support.

For all of us,
Dad

In Austin!

We have made it to Austin! Even though our afternoon was a busy one, we accomplished everything we needed to, left the kids in good spirits and in loving care. Here's how you can pray for us.

Peace during the surgery tomorrow.

Safety for Benjamin during the surgery.

Protection from infection or other complications.

Obedience for Elizabeth and Micah.

That in everything we do, Curtis and I would bring honor and glory to our Savior.

We'll keep you posted!

The plan

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Prov. 19:21

Here are our plans for the next few days. Please pray that in all things, even are plans, we would honor and glorify God.

Benjamin, Curtis and I will be leaving for Austin tomorrow evening, about the same time the kids will be going to Covenant Kids at church. My Aunt will be coming into town to take care of the big kids for the first couple of days. Curtis' Dad and his wife are going straight to Austin tomorrow afternoon, and we will meet up with them there. My Dad is with us now, helping us work through all the final details. My Mom will be coming in at some point tomorrow, though we're not sure if she will come here, or to Austin. Curtis and I are hoping to stay at the Ronald McDonald house for our time in Austin, but won't know for sure if that's going to work tomorrow morning.

Monday morning we have to be at the hospital at 6:30. The surgery starts at 8:00. we're not sure if that means they are going to take Benjamin back at 8, or if the actual surgery starts at 8 so they'll take him sooner.

The surgery will last between three and four hours. Our parents will be at the hospital with us, as will our pastors, and some wonderful friends who live not too far from Austin.

After the surgery, Benjamin will be in the PICU for 24 hours, most for observation. If he is eating well and doesn't spike a temp, we will be moved to a regular room in the surgery recovery wing on Tuesday. Tuesday is also the day our parents will be heading home, provided all is going well. My Mom will be heading here to relieve my Aunt of kid duty. And she is staying with us indefinitely after we get home.

We are anticipating coming home on Thursday.

As far as long term plans, we really don't' have any. At this point, we're totally focused on making it through the next few days. We know that we will be in Austin more for follow up appointments, but we don't know when or how often. We know that he will be put in a helmet to train his head how to grow correctly. But we don't know when and where all that will happen, or how long he will be in it.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Every day when I wake up, I know we're one day closer to Benjamin's surgery. Every day the reality of the situation becomes more real, and I become more nervous. Praise God for His peace! Praise God for the prayers of his people!

The details

There seems to be a high interest in the details of Benjamin's surgery. So, for those of you who have the stomach for this kind of stuff, here are the details of Benjamin's surgery. (Lee Nickles, stop reading now!)

Once he's out (a process which will take about an hour), the doctor will make a zig-zag cut across the top of his head, from one ear to the other, kinda like a head band. She will the roll back the scalp, exposing the skull. Then she will give Benjamin the soft spot that he doesn't have by removing a strip of skull on the top of his head. Then she closes him up, and he goes into the PICU. The whole surgery will take three to four hours. I'll be finding out later today the details of when we need to be there, and when they will take him back.

During the surgery, he is expected to lose a lot of blood, and will probably require a blood transfusion. After the surgery, we have been told to expect a lot of swelling. The swelling will peak about 24 hours after surgery, and his eyes might swell shut. There is also the probability of bruising.

On a less depressing note, I've heard from several people that babies usually come through the recovery process very easily. We hope and pray this is the case with Benjamin.

Hospital info

I've had several people ask, so here's some info about the hospital.

Benjamin's surgery will be at Dell Children's Medical Center. Go here for direction and parking info.

If you're interested in coming up to the hospital, we would love to see you! The first 24 hours after surgery he will be in the PICU. Right now, it looks like we won't be able to have anyone but Curtis and I visit him while he's in PICU. And only one parent can be in there at a time. So, it might not be best to visit on Monday or early Tuesday. But don't worry, we have LOTS of family and friends already coming. :-)

We are hoping to leave on Thursday. We'll try to keep everyone posted through the blog on Benjamin's progress.

All that to say, we would love visitors if you can make the trip. But if you can make, plan on coming on Tuesday, Wednesday and maybe Thursday, depending on when we are leaving.

Thanks for all the love!

my prayer

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Phil 4:4-9

Father, I pray tonight that you would help me to rejoice. I have so much to rejoice in, you have been so good to me! You are the only source of true joy. Your gift of salvation makes me rejoice! Thank you for sending your Son.

I also pray that you would grant me the peace which surpasses all understanding. Help me to not be anxious, but to trust in you, and rejoice in the promises that you have made to me.

And finally, I pray that you would help me to meditate on you. Guard my mind from thoughts of doubt. Remind me of your love, faithfulness and help me to reflect and think on you and you attributes.

Amen.

Breathe in, breathe out.

That's what we're doing right now. Trying to just breathe in and out.

Today we had Benjamin's appointment with the neuro surgeon. Just by an examination, and some measurements, the doctor determined that Benjamin does indeed have craniosynostosis. He will be having surgery on Monday morning.

Things are going very fast right now, and we are feeling slightly overwhelmed. I will try to fill in more details when I've had more that four hours of sleep, and that's not tonight!

Thank you to everyone who was praying for us today. I've talked to several people who all have said, "You seem to be holding up pretty well." And I (we) are. But I know it's only because of all the love, prayers and support we are getting for all of you. Thank you!

Really?!?!

While reading some information for parents who are looking at the possibility of cranio surgery, I found a list of things to do. Here's one of them.

"Use prayer support through your church. Research shows that patients who are prayed for do better than their counterparts who aren't."

Really?!?! I'm shocked! (Note sarcasm).

What a blessing it is for Curtis and I to know how prayed for we are! Thank you to everyone who is waiting and praying with us.

An update

We have an appointment with the neuro surgeon! God is good! It's for next Tuesday, at 10:45. She will assess Benjamin and see where we need to go from there (as far as tests... x-rays, CTs).

We are driving straight to Austin on Monday night, rather than coming home home from our Thanksgiving time in Kansas. Our friends, the Gallaghers have graciously opened there home to us, and offered to babysit the big kids while Curtis and I take Benjamin to the doctor. Praise God for the covenant family!

Thank you for your prayers!

Psalm 71

Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long.
But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone. Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you?
I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God; I will sing praise to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel. My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you— I, whom you have redeemed. My tongue will tell of your righteous acts all day long.

This is the prayer we pray, and this is the pray we hope Benjamin will pray someday.

Psalm 71: 3, 5-6, 8, 14-17, 19, 22-24

Father, may your praise ever be on our tongues! May our children ever sing of your marvelous acts and of the mighty deeds you have done!

Praying

Heavenly Father, I come to you tonight because you are the only source of truth, life and hope. You know every details about my son, and in that, I draw my hope. Thank you for the promises that you have made to Benjamin: to prosper, not harm him; to work all things our for his good and Your glory. And I pray that is what would happen. Father, I pray that through all of this you would be given the glory. Use my son, my family, and me to bring you the honor and glory that is due to your name.

Father, I pray that your will would be accomplished in my family. Even when I don't understand, I know that no plan of yours can be thwarted, and that your will is perfect. You are good, God! I praise you for your faithfulness. I praise you that you are all knowing.

Tonight, I pray that you would be my comfort and my portion. Sustain Curtis and I as we are going down this road. Draw us closer to each other, not letting the emotions and stress of the day distract us from you. We love you, Lord! I pray that we would be you glory in the daily walk of our lives.

If it's your will, please help Benjamin to not have these problems. Help him to not require the surgery, but rather a less invasive solution. I pray that you would work mightily in his little body! And Father, if it's your will to have Benjamin undergo the surgery, I pray that you would protect him, watch over him, and keep him safe. Use these events to draw him to yourself.

Thank you for being a mediator who can sympathise with us. Thank you for making away to the Father!

Amen.

Funny

When you become a parent, you try to saturate yourself with information. After we bought a pregnancy test that came back positive, we bought pregnancy books, I scoured the Internet trying to find anything and everything I could about pregnancy and babies.

As a mom, there are things that you worry about. SIDs, your baby falling, nursing well/enough, car seat safety. Caraniosynostosis is not one of the things that I worried about.

Funny. Something I had never even heard of till a week ago is now all I can think about.

A little update

I'm so thrilled that I can actually give an update! Yay!

This morning, I decided I should call Scott and White in Temple to see how the referral process was going. Long story short, we find out (after several phone calls) that there isn't a pediatric neuro surgeon at Scott and White. We could see the regular neuro surgeon, but we really wanted a pediatric one. Curtis talked to our insurance rep, and she said just got to Texas Children's Hospital. But that ended up being a dead end too (insurance wouldn't cover it after all). Finally, we found Central Texas Neurosurgery for Children in Austin. And the great thing is that we will be getting in for our consultation this month!! Beat waiting till the end of December!

So, we have to wait just a little bit more, then we should start getting some of the answers we want and need.

More info

Just so everyone knows, this info is almost more for me, but just in case you're interested...
check this web site, which has lots of practical info.

source of encouragement

Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

My friend Lindsey (check out her blog for the amazing story of her boys, talk about FAITH) sent me this verse. I can't think of anything that encourages me more that to know that the saints are praying for all of us, and pointing us back to our Father's Word.

Keep the verses coming everyone!

Dr. visit

Today, we had Benjamin's six month well visit. Curtis and I were very anxious to meet with our regular pediatrician to have some of our concerns addressed, and maybe get a little comfort about this whole situation.

Our doctor reassured us that even though craniosynostosis (cranio) is still a possibility, he doesn't think it's the main possibility. He told us that there were two other diagnoses he thought were more likely. One being extra fluid around the brain, which is very normal for a child Benjamin's age and wouldn't be a cause for concern. The other is that he has a preemie head, and would wear a helmet to correct his head shape.

The possibility of cranio is still there, and our pediatrician wants us to continue the process of seeing the neurosurgeon. He did tell us that since Benjamin's head is still growing, we aren't in any rush to get to the neurosurgeon. That was a huge relief! He told us what we already know, that if Benjamin does have cranio, then he will have to have surgery. He went on to tell us that it's not a fun surgery, and we really don't want to have to deal with it. But of course, if we have too, we was very reassuring that the doctor we would be using is a good one.

So we left feeling encouraged that there are other possibilities our there, ones that are much less severe. I was made a little more nervous about the possibility of surgery, since he made it sound like such an unpleasant thing (not that I was thinking it would be pleasant :-)).

Here's how we are asking you to pray:
*Benjamin wouldn't have craniosynostosis. But rather, it would be one of the other problems.
*That the whole referral process would be quick, and that we would get in to see the neurosurgeon as soon as possible.
*That Benjamin's head would continue to grow at the same rate, and no other signs of cranio would appear.
*Most of all, pray that Curtis and I would continue to wait on God's will, and in His peace.

Thank you!

Praying

Father God, I praise you for being the great Creator! You alone are God, and I praise you!

Father, I thank you for Benjamin. I thank you for how you created his inmost being, how he is made in your image, and how he is loved by you! Thank you for your faithfulness to me and my family. Thank you for your promise to be a God to me, and my children.

Tonight, I come to you with a heavy heart. But I also come to you knowing that you are good, and will always do things for your glory and our good. I pray for Benjamin. I lift him up to your throne, acknowledging that he is mine, but for the moment. As much as I love him, I know that you love him more. Thank you for you love! I pray Father, that you would work in Benjamin's little body. You created him, you know his inmost being, and you know what's wrong with him and what he needs. I pray that if it's your will that you would make all this just a mistake, and that when tests are done that they would show nothing to be wrong with Benjamin's head. But if that's not your will, I pray that you would protect and keep Benjamin. Help his to go through this whole process well and without any complications.

I love you Lord. Thank you for hearing the prayers of this mommy.

Amen.

pics

More info

This link has a great definition of Benjamin's possible diagnosis.

I'm no doctor

I'm no doctor, but I'm learning a lot. Apparently, there are several different kinds of craniosyntosis. Here's the one I *think* Benjamin might have. Notice I said think! And of course, he might just have a funny shaped head....

What is sagittal synostosis?
The sagittal suture runs from a spot at the front of the head to the back of the skulI. Fusion of the suture results in a long, narrow skull with or without bulging of both the front and back of the head. Surgery of sagittal craniosynostosis involves removing the suture and widening the skull by opening up the coronal and lambdoid sutures on both sides of the head. Sometimes bone grafts are placed to keep the out-fractured bones apart.

Source of encouragement

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:7-10

Poor Baby Ben

Those of you who saw me this weekend probably noticed that Curtis and I looked especially tired, and pretty haggard. Here's the story.

Friday was a bad day at the Krajca house. Benjamin didn't sleep, and decided he would rather scream. I was literally at my wits end, and couldn't even think clearly enough to call friends for help. Curtis came home from work and I said, "Here's the baby, order pizza, I'm taking a shower!"

Over the weekend, Benjamin seemed to be doing a little bit better. A little more sleeping (though not as much as a normal 4 month old should sleep) and a little less screaming. He slept great at night though. By Sunday, I was dreading the week. We were blessed by several wonderful nursery workers (Hannah and Josh in the am and Hannah A. and Ashlee in the pm) who told us not to worry, they could handle screaming. Having the time to worship really set me in a better mindset for the week ahead.

Along with all the screaming and lack of sleep, I had been watching this weird patch of dry skin on Benjamin's leg. It was now not only on his leg, but his other leg, his elbows, his back, his shoulder and his scalp. It looked a lot like ring worm. Hoping that our doctor could shed some light on this rash thing (and the screaming!) I took Benjamin in to the doc today.

We found out the Benjamin has pretty severe eczema (not abnormal) that is causing discomfort, which is causing the lack of sleep and the screaming. Not to mention the fact that a lack of sleep will make anyone scream, especially a 4 month old.

I am now armed with a cream, and hopefully a solution to the screaming and lack of sleep.

But wait, there's more.

Severe eczema, like Benjamin has, is most likely caused by some kind of allergic reaction. There is a possibility that he may have some kind of food allergy. And since he is exclusively breastfed, that means Mommy might have to make some big changes in her diet (like cutting out dairy!). Right now, we wait and see if this breakout goes away on it's own. It he has more breakouts, or this one doesn't go away, we look for triggers. I learned all this while driving around College Station between the doctor's appointment and picking up Curtis from work. Amazing what a Mom will do when there is a sleeping child (or two) in the car!

Never a dull moment as a mommy. And I'm always learning something new!

Many faces of Benjamin

"Sure, I scratched my own nose, but I'm still pretty cute!"

"What do you mean, it's nap time?"
"Look at my big, beautiful, blue eyes!"
"You can call me Adorable!"

Will

Will and his sister Piper came over to play last night. First of all, let me say that Lindsey B., you are a super woman for having twins! Piper and Elizabeth are both three and they were wonderful. Will and Benjamin are three days apart, and it was a bit of a challenge. I'm thankful God gave me one baby at a time! Will and Benjamin didn't quite know what to think about each other. In the picture above, they just looked at each other for awhile. Then, Benjamin started "talking" to Will, which made Will cry, which made Benjamin cry. Now, someone tell me what to do with two screaming four month old babies! They ended of fine, of course, but it was a little sketchy for a minute.
AS you can tell from this picture, Benjamin was a little more interested in Will, than will was in Benjamin. But I'm sure that will change, and hopefully these boys will be great friends!

redo 4 month pictures

Meeting a friend

This weekend, Benjamin got to meet a new friend, Athena. Athena's mommy, Sherry, and I have been friends for a few years now. We found out we were pregnant within days of each, and Benjamin and Athena are a week apart (Athena being a week older). Here's a picture of their first meeting. Poor, sweet Athena had just fallen asleep in her car seat when she got to our house, so a photo session wasn't her idea of fun. :-)

1 year ago

One year ago tomorrow, I found out I was pregnant with Benjamin. To say the least, it was a very big surprise. I remember looking at the positive pregnancy test, then looking at my almost six month old, who wasn't even sitting up yet, and thinking, "You've got to be kidding me!"

It didn't seem fair. I was wanting a break from being pregnant, from nusing, from the baby phase. I was still nursing. I was just getting on top of having two kids, how would I manage three? But the over riding emotion that I had was fear. I didn't know how I was going to be able to do it. I doubted God's plan for our family. Rather than being joyful at the huge gift we had been given, I was sad.

I took a pregnancy test on Tuesday. It looked kinda positive, but not for sure positive. The next morning, it looked even more positive. Curtis thought it was just a messed up test. So I did the next logical thing.... I called my best friend Christi to see what she thought. Being the ever encouraging friend, she assured me that it was probably negative. But just to be on the safe side, I took it over to her house to have her check it out. :-) I even called the 1-800 number on the back of the pregnancy test box. Jose, the assistant who answered the phone said, "Any vertical line should be read as a positive." Thanks Jose!

So, On Wednesday (the 13th) I took another test. Positive. The next morning, I took another test. Positive. I took a total of eight tests (over the course of three days), almost hoping that one would be negative. All positive.

After the first for sure positive test, I called Christi crying. She was supposed to be the next one pregnant, not me. I was so upset. I didn't want to be pregnant, and I didn't want another baby at that point.

Looking back, I am ashamed at how sinful I was. Of course my reaction was human. But it wasn't the reaction of someone who believes that every child is a precious gift. It was the reaction of someone who doubted her Savior.

All these emotions continued for the first trimester. When I was about 15-16 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with post partum depression (PPD). The doctor thinks that I had PPD from when I had Micah, and then the pregnancy sent me into a further depression. It was a really tough time for me personally, for me as a mom, and for Curtis and I. But with the help of Curtis, my family, and my church family, I was able to come out on the other end of things.

Through all of this, I have learned so much. When I think back to how I was feeling a year ago, it brings tears to my eyes. I look at my beautiful son, and praise God that His plans are so much bigger than mine. The thought that there was a time when I didn't want him seems so far, and so long ago. I am so thankful for Benjamin, and for how God used him to continue to sanctify me.

1st Aggie shirt

"Future 12th Man..... as soon as I can stand"

Jesus Loves Me

Tonight, I was singing to Benjamin, and he decided to join in. So adorable, I had to share (even though you're going to have to listen to my not so great singing voice too). "Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise." Matt. 21:16

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Baptism Video

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Blue eyes

Sweet Feet

I don't know why I'm so intrigued by Benjamin's feet. Ever since the first time I held him, I've loved his little feet! I remember looking at his sweet toes for the first time in the hospital. The way he crosses them reminds me of his brother and sister when they were little. He also crosses his feet when he nurses. It's just so sweet!

So today while he was napping, I took pictures of his feet.

happy boy

baptism gown

All three of my babies have worn the same gown when they were baptized. And each time, I have their Aunt Shannon take pictures of them in the gown, Benjamin was baptized this past Sunday, and here are his baptism pictures.

Awwww!

I love this picture! Until this picture, I had never had professional pictures taken of any of the kids as baby babies. When Benjamin was born, he was dubbed our most beautiful baby. Then, he went through his "funny baby stage". But now, look how cute!