In the strangest places

During the whole process of Benjamin's surgery and now recovery and as we look to the next phase (helmet) I have found encouragement in different places... songs, random strangers, friends of friends. I've also found encouragement in some not unusual place...scripture, God's people, family and friends.

While we were driving to Austin for the surgery, there were many emotions running though my heart and mind. We had just left our oldest two, and even though were very comfortable with the care they were being left with, it was still hard. We were on our way to a town we hadn't spent much time in, where we didn't have family, our church, and we were going to be putting our son through major surgery. One minute I would be fine, the next moment I would be crying. I was overwhelmed, to say the least. I heard this song, and the part I've bolded really touched me.


Breath Of Heaven

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

As many of you know, or can assume from the words, this is a song sung by Mary. Now, I'm not trying to compare the thoughts and emotions that Mary must have gone through as she carried and gave birth to Jesus to the emotions that I was feeling. But I can relate to the emotion that this song portrays.

The lines, "Hold me together" became a prayer of mine during Benjamin's surgery and the days in the hospital. God was so gracious! As I look back, and relive some of those emotions, I don't know how I did it. How did I not completely lose it as I watched my son lay in an ICU bed with seven wires coming out of his little body? How did I keep any kind of calm while I watched him go through pain before his next dose of morphine? Because God was answering my prayers, holding me together, and being forever near me.

Praise God for his comfort, for his love, and for answering the prayers of his people!