An update

We have an appointment with the neuro surgeon! God is good! It's for next Tuesday, at 10:45. She will assess Benjamin and see where we need to go from there (as far as tests... x-rays, CTs).

We are driving straight to Austin on Monday night, rather than coming home home from our Thanksgiving time in Kansas. Our friends, the Gallaghers have graciously opened there home to us, and offered to babysit the big kids while Curtis and I take Benjamin to the doctor. Praise God for the covenant family!

Thank you for your prayers!

Psalm 71

Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long.
But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone. Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you?
I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God; I will sing praise to you with the lyre, O Holy One of Israel. My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you— I, whom you have redeemed. My tongue will tell of your righteous acts all day long.

This is the prayer we pray, and this is the pray we hope Benjamin will pray someday.

Psalm 71: 3, 5-6, 8, 14-17, 19, 22-24

Father, may your praise ever be on our tongues! May our children ever sing of your marvelous acts and of the mighty deeds you have done!

Praying

Heavenly Father, I come to you tonight because you are the only source of truth, life and hope. You know every details about my son, and in that, I draw my hope. Thank you for the promises that you have made to Benjamin: to prosper, not harm him; to work all things our for his good and Your glory. And I pray that is what would happen. Father, I pray that through all of this you would be given the glory. Use my son, my family, and me to bring you the honor and glory that is due to your name.

Father, I pray that your will would be accomplished in my family. Even when I don't understand, I know that no plan of yours can be thwarted, and that your will is perfect. You are good, God! I praise you for your faithfulness. I praise you that you are all knowing.

Tonight, I pray that you would be my comfort and my portion. Sustain Curtis and I as we are going down this road. Draw us closer to each other, not letting the emotions and stress of the day distract us from you. We love you, Lord! I pray that we would be you glory in the daily walk of our lives.

If it's your will, please help Benjamin to not have these problems. Help him to not require the surgery, but rather a less invasive solution. I pray that you would work mightily in his little body! And Father, if it's your will to have Benjamin undergo the surgery, I pray that you would protect him, watch over him, and keep him safe. Use these events to draw him to yourself.

Thank you for being a mediator who can sympathise with us. Thank you for making away to the Father!

Amen.

Funny

When you become a parent, you try to saturate yourself with information. After we bought a pregnancy test that came back positive, we bought pregnancy books, I scoured the Internet trying to find anything and everything I could about pregnancy and babies.

As a mom, there are things that you worry about. SIDs, your baby falling, nursing well/enough, car seat safety. Caraniosynostosis is not one of the things that I worried about.

Funny. Something I had never even heard of till a week ago is now all I can think about.

A little update

I'm so thrilled that I can actually give an update! Yay!

This morning, I decided I should call Scott and White in Temple to see how the referral process was going. Long story short, we find out (after several phone calls) that there isn't a pediatric neuro surgeon at Scott and White. We could see the regular neuro surgeon, but we really wanted a pediatric one. Curtis talked to our insurance rep, and she said just got to Texas Children's Hospital. But that ended up being a dead end too (insurance wouldn't cover it after all). Finally, we found Central Texas Neurosurgery for Children in Austin. And the great thing is that we will be getting in for our consultation this month!! Beat waiting till the end of December!

So, we have to wait just a little bit more, then we should start getting some of the answers we want and need.

More info

Just so everyone knows, this info is almost more for me, but just in case you're interested...
check this web site, which has lots of practical info.

source of encouragement

Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

My friend Lindsey (check out her blog for the amazing story of her boys, talk about FAITH) sent me this verse. I can't think of anything that encourages me more that to know that the saints are praying for all of us, and pointing us back to our Father's Word.

Keep the verses coming everyone!

Dr. visit

Today, we had Benjamin's six month well visit. Curtis and I were very anxious to meet with our regular pediatrician to have some of our concerns addressed, and maybe get a little comfort about this whole situation.

Our doctor reassured us that even though craniosynostosis (cranio) is still a possibility, he doesn't think it's the main possibility. He told us that there were two other diagnoses he thought were more likely. One being extra fluid around the brain, which is very normal for a child Benjamin's age and wouldn't be a cause for concern. The other is that he has a preemie head, and would wear a helmet to correct his head shape.

The possibility of cranio is still there, and our pediatrician wants us to continue the process of seeing the neurosurgeon. He did tell us that since Benjamin's head is still growing, we aren't in any rush to get to the neurosurgeon. That was a huge relief! He told us what we already know, that if Benjamin does have cranio, then he will have to have surgery. He went on to tell us that it's not a fun surgery, and we really don't want to have to deal with it. But of course, if we have too, we was very reassuring that the doctor we would be using is a good one.

So we left feeling encouraged that there are other possibilities our there, ones that are much less severe. I was made a little more nervous about the possibility of surgery, since he made it sound like such an unpleasant thing (not that I was thinking it would be pleasant :-)).

Here's how we are asking you to pray:
*Benjamin wouldn't have craniosynostosis. But rather, it would be one of the other problems.
*That the whole referral process would be quick, and that we would get in to see the neurosurgeon as soon as possible.
*That Benjamin's head would continue to grow at the same rate, and no other signs of cranio would appear.
*Most of all, pray that Curtis and I would continue to wait on God's will, and in His peace.

Thank you!

Praying

Father God, I praise you for being the great Creator! You alone are God, and I praise you!

Father, I thank you for Benjamin. I thank you for how you created his inmost being, how he is made in your image, and how he is loved by you! Thank you for your faithfulness to me and my family. Thank you for your promise to be a God to me, and my children.

Tonight, I come to you with a heavy heart. But I also come to you knowing that you are good, and will always do things for your glory and our good. I pray for Benjamin. I lift him up to your throne, acknowledging that he is mine, but for the moment. As much as I love him, I know that you love him more. Thank you for you love! I pray Father, that you would work in Benjamin's little body. You created him, you know his inmost being, and you know what's wrong with him and what he needs. I pray that if it's your will that you would make all this just a mistake, and that when tests are done that they would show nothing to be wrong with Benjamin's head. But if that's not your will, I pray that you would protect and keep Benjamin. Help his to go through this whole process well and without any complications.

I love you Lord. Thank you for hearing the prayers of this mommy.

Amen.

pics

More info

This link has a great definition of Benjamin's possible diagnosis.

I'm no doctor

I'm no doctor, but I'm learning a lot. Apparently, there are several different kinds of craniosyntosis. Here's the one I *think* Benjamin might have. Notice I said think! And of course, he might just have a funny shaped head....

What is sagittal synostosis?
The sagittal suture runs from a spot at the front of the head to the back of the skulI. Fusion of the suture results in a long, narrow skull with or without bulging of both the front and back of the head. Surgery of sagittal craniosynostosis involves removing the suture and widening the skull by opening up the coronal and lambdoid sutures on both sides of the head. Sometimes bone grafts are placed to keep the out-fractured bones apart.

Source of encouragement

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:7-10

Poor Baby Ben

Those of you who saw me this weekend probably noticed that Curtis and I looked especially tired, and pretty haggard. Here's the story.

Friday was a bad day at the Krajca house. Benjamin didn't sleep, and decided he would rather scream. I was literally at my wits end, and couldn't even think clearly enough to call friends for help. Curtis came home from work and I said, "Here's the baby, order pizza, I'm taking a shower!"

Over the weekend, Benjamin seemed to be doing a little bit better. A little more sleeping (though not as much as a normal 4 month old should sleep) and a little less screaming. He slept great at night though. By Sunday, I was dreading the week. We were blessed by several wonderful nursery workers (Hannah and Josh in the am and Hannah A. and Ashlee in the pm) who told us not to worry, they could handle screaming. Having the time to worship really set me in a better mindset for the week ahead.

Along with all the screaming and lack of sleep, I had been watching this weird patch of dry skin on Benjamin's leg. It was now not only on his leg, but his other leg, his elbows, his back, his shoulder and his scalp. It looked a lot like ring worm. Hoping that our doctor could shed some light on this rash thing (and the screaming!) I took Benjamin in to the doc today.

We found out the Benjamin has pretty severe eczema (not abnormal) that is causing discomfort, which is causing the lack of sleep and the screaming. Not to mention the fact that a lack of sleep will make anyone scream, especially a 4 month old.

I am now armed with a cream, and hopefully a solution to the screaming and lack of sleep.

But wait, there's more.

Severe eczema, like Benjamin has, is most likely caused by some kind of allergic reaction. There is a possibility that he may have some kind of food allergy. And since he is exclusively breastfed, that means Mommy might have to make some big changes in her diet (like cutting out dairy!). Right now, we wait and see if this breakout goes away on it's own. It he has more breakouts, or this one doesn't go away, we look for triggers. I learned all this while driving around College Station between the doctor's appointment and picking up Curtis from work. Amazing what a Mom will do when there is a sleeping child (or two) in the car!

Never a dull moment as a mommy. And I'm always learning something new!

Many faces of Benjamin

"Sure, I scratched my own nose, but I'm still pretty cute!"

"What do you mean, it's nap time?"
"Look at my big, beautiful, blue eyes!"
"You can call me Adorable!"

Will

Will and his sister Piper came over to play last night. First of all, let me say that Lindsey B., you are a super woman for having twins! Piper and Elizabeth are both three and they were wonderful. Will and Benjamin are three days apart, and it was a bit of a challenge. I'm thankful God gave me one baby at a time! Will and Benjamin didn't quite know what to think about each other. In the picture above, they just looked at each other for awhile. Then, Benjamin started "talking" to Will, which made Will cry, which made Benjamin cry. Now, someone tell me what to do with two screaming four month old babies! They ended of fine, of course, but it was a little sketchy for a minute.
AS you can tell from this picture, Benjamin was a little more interested in Will, than will was in Benjamin. But I'm sure that will change, and hopefully these boys will be great friends!

redo 4 month pictures

Meeting a friend

This weekend, Benjamin got to meet a new friend, Athena. Athena's mommy, Sherry, and I have been friends for a few years now. We found out we were pregnant within days of each, and Benjamin and Athena are a week apart (Athena being a week older). Here's a picture of their first meeting. Poor, sweet Athena had just fallen asleep in her car seat when she got to our house, so a photo session wasn't her idea of fun. :-)

1 year ago

One year ago tomorrow, I found out I was pregnant with Benjamin. To say the least, it was a very big surprise. I remember looking at the positive pregnancy test, then looking at my almost six month old, who wasn't even sitting up yet, and thinking, "You've got to be kidding me!"

It didn't seem fair. I was wanting a break from being pregnant, from nusing, from the baby phase. I was still nursing. I was just getting on top of having two kids, how would I manage three? But the over riding emotion that I had was fear. I didn't know how I was going to be able to do it. I doubted God's plan for our family. Rather than being joyful at the huge gift we had been given, I was sad.

I took a pregnancy test on Tuesday. It looked kinda positive, but not for sure positive. The next morning, it looked even more positive. Curtis thought it was just a messed up test. So I did the next logical thing.... I called my best friend Christi to see what she thought. Being the ever encouraging friend, she assured me that it was probably negative. But just to be on the safe side, I took it over to her house to have her check it out. :-) I even called the 1-800 number on the back of the pregnancy test box. Jose, the assistant who answered the phone said, "Any vertical line should be read as a positive." Thanks Jose!

So, On Wednesday (the 13th) I took another test. Positive. The next morning, I took another test. Positive. I took a total of eight tests (over the course of three days), almost hoping that one would be negative. All positive.

After the first for sure positive test, I called Christi crying. She was supposed to be the next one pregnant, not me. I was so upset. I didn't want to be pregnant, and I didn't want another baby at that point.

Looking back, I am ashamed at how sinful I was. Of course my reaction was human. But it wasn't the reaction of someone who believes that every child is a precious gift. It was the reaction of someone who doubted her Savior.

All these emotions continued for the first trimester. When I was about 15-16 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with post partum depression (PPD). The doctor thinks that I had PPD from when I had Micah, and then the pregnancy sent me into a further depression. It was a really tough time for me personally, for me as a mom, and for Curtis and I. But with the help of Curtis, my family, and my church family, I was able to come out on the other end of things.

Through all of this, I have learned so much. When I think back to how I was feeling a year ago, it brings tears to my eyes. I look at my beautiful son, and praise God that His plans are so much bigger than mine. The thought that there was a time when I didn't want him seems so far, and so long ago. I am so thankful for Benjamin, and for how God used him to continue to sanctify me.

1st Aggie shirt

"Future 12th Man..... as soon as I can stand"